If another basketball team storms out to the sounds of Ozzy Osbourne, I'll be going off the rails of a crazy train.
In my profession, I hear warm-up music every night. Quite often it is the same batch of tiresome tunes. Most of them are songs I never liked to begin with, but now, I really can't stand them. Yet, I hear them over and over again.
It makes me want to stand in front of a speaker at a Disturbed show so my hearing will suffer, and I won't have to listen to the current crap I endure each night. Maybe I'll just start using the earplugs I bought when I did a car racing story from Kyle Busch's pit crew. But, those just dull the noise, not eliminate it.
One thing I know a little bit about is music. Okay, I think I know a little bit about everything (but I do, so live with it). I think I have some credibility when it comes to the songs I hear basketball teams play. And, in my professional opinion the current choice of music is tiresome, stale and just plain sucks.
So, I'm thinking I should hire myself out as a professional music consultant. You want a warm-up mix tape that rocks? I'm your music man.
I've even got proof that my way works. This summer my brother and I both painted our respective decks at our summer places on the coast. I had Metallica blasting through the boom box, along with a little REM's "Accelerator." My brother chose to paint his deck with doo-op music. When I went down to help him and heard his tunes of choice, I wanted to do shots of paint thinner. Well, want to guess whose deck got rained on by Mother Nature? Not mine. Mother Nature obviously likes Metallica.
Now I know music is a matter of personal tastes. I just put together a mix CD that is pretty killer. Yes, it makes Squiggy get quite jiggy. It opens with the Dropkick Murphy's followed by Eve 6, Pearl Jam, Disturbed, Buckcherry, Ronnie James Dio, the Killers, Evanescence, Foo Fighters, Fuel, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, AFI, the Exies and Puddle of Mudd (got to like a song that gets me singing "Maybe I'm the one that's just a little bit psycho" all day long) and then a little more Disturbed and Dropkick Murphy's.
If I don't feel like cranking up that disc, I've got the old standby's like Social Distortion, Metallica or the Crue's "Kickstart My Heart", which if I play while I'm on the treadmill, there's a good chance someone actually might have to kickstart my heart.
But, I doubt those tunes would please the guy that shows up at the workout room at work and likes to play tunes from the Country Music Television.
Now I'll admit my musical tastes have been criticized for decades now. My father always hoped that when I went off to college I'd take Music Appreciation class and actually develop a good taste in tunes. He said that's what happened to my brother. Look where it got him. He's painting to doo-op music - and facing Mother's Natures wrath for it.
I did take the Music Appreciation class. The only thing I recall is that I did take the class, but that is it. For someone who remembers just about everything, that must be a telling sign if I have no recollection of the class.
So, unfortunately for those tender-eared people out there, I still tend to listen to some pretty obnoxious stuff. When I'm in a good mood, it usually means I'm cranking the Smithereens or Social Distortion. Nothing like loving life while grooving to "In this world of pain I have no peer" or feel good songs like "Mommie's Little Monster" or "When the Angels Sing."
Now, I should mention that I do have some quality tastes in music. Out of the 500 or so CD's, I have some pretty good stuff and a wide variety, including my favorites like Richard Shindell, the Bodeans, John Wetton, Buddy Miller, the Levellers, Peter Gabriel etc. But, none of those are great warm-up songs.
But, I'd be psyched to hear a basketball team come out to the Bodeans "Closer To Free" (heck, I've heard it played in the grocery store) or the Levellers' "One Way" or a good Gabriel tune, but that's unlikely to happen. Besides, there are better choices, and it just takes a bit a creativity and a sense of humor. And I got both!
A team like the Cougars could come storming out to Ted Nugent's "Cat Scratch Fever". A team called the Ramblers could use Led Zep's "Ramble On". Even a local team called the Red Eddies (I have no idea why) could use Sammy Hagar's "Red". A winless team could use The Killers' "Mr. Brightside" as their theme song. Now, that would be funny. There's got to be something good for a team like the Blue Devils. Just about any Ronnie James Dio song mentions devils. Better yet, go with the Cult's "Lil Devil". If a team thinks their coach is a complete nimrod, they could go with Disturbed's cover of "Land of Confusion." If a team wants to display some attitude, go with the Crue's Wild Side. And, nobody could go wrong with the Cult. Pick "Rain", "She Sells Sanctuary" or "Love Removal Machine."
Speaking of the Cult, have you seen my head on YouTube? Check out the Cult video from Hampton Beach. That's my melon around the 20 second mark or so. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMTc7v9Bprw
If team's want to go with the AC DC, put away "You Shook Me" and go with "For Those About To Rock" (you can't go wrong with a song with cannons in it) or the new song "Rock and Roll Train". Since I'm usually at girls' basketball games, the Smithereens "A Girl Like You" would be pretty cool. I could even sing along since I know all the words.
Now, I know teams pick music they like to groove to and their particular tastes dictate what junk they stick in the CD player. They're not too concerned with appeasing the musical tastes of the people in the stands.
But, keep in mind, if the Poison Pen shows up at your gym, ready to write something about your team, wouldn't you want to keep him happy by playing tunes he likes? I'm not threatening or anything, but do you really want to test my patience with a few minutes of "The Final Countdown" or "Crazy Train"?
So, next time a team puts together a new set list for warm-ups, they might be wise to pick a selection from the Squiggy Soundtrack. Remember, a happy Poison Pen is far better than the alternative. Just let it be known that you've been warned.
No comments:
Post a Comment